The Case for Outdoor Education: How NOLS Changed My Life

In 2011, I chose to partake in a semester-long outdoor leadership course through the Patagonian region of Chile with the National Outdoor Leadership School. In the fall of 2010, I began my senior year at Washington College preparing for graduation and the “real world”. I had absolutely zero clue what was next or what I was going to do after graduation. Looking back, I now realize I dealt with moments of depression and severe anxiety during college. My college experience was okay but there was also a void. An emptiness that never went away. A pit I knew was there but found ways to ignore and avoid. I now have a larger grasp of the challenges many face with mental health. And a greater appreciation for the initiatives focused on helping others with those challenges. I chose to take a chance and stray from the normal path after college. I finally decided to apply to NOLS after lots of thought and consideration. I had never really been in the mountains before but was in search of something different. September 2011 finally arrived and I was on the plane to Coyhaique, Chile. My mind was going so fast, I didn’t know which way was up. I stayed in a local hotel that night before the morning pick up from the NOLS staff. I could see snow covered mountains off in the distance. Isolation began to set in. Alone in the hotel room with only my thoughts. Thousands of miles away from anyone I knew. “What am I doing here?” I did not sleep that night. The next morning the pit and isolation began to fill with fear. We arrived at the NOLS branch to meet the staff and the rest of what would become our crew. The next few days were to be spent at the branch focused on WFA training, gear packing, and food rationing. I hardly slept at all. Everyone was a stranger. Fear consumed me. Deep, dark, unrelenting fear. My mind spiraled over those few days. There was no way I could go on with this trip. I had to head back home and do something more in my comfort zone. I had to find a way out. Right? I didn’t know what to do. Everyone else seemed so excited. I was screaming and terrified on the inside. I didn’t know how to deal with the fear and anxiety I was experiencing. It was the fear of the unknown. The fear of risk. Perhaps, the subconscious fear of the transformation to come. I still had my phone during those few days while at the branch although I had not used it. The day before we were to leave for the first 35 day section of sea kayaking, I pulled out my phone and called my dad. He was surprised to hear from me. I broke down hysterically crying on the phone. I told him I couldn’t do this and how it wasn’t for me. He was my way out. I asked to come home. After a long pause, he told me he was sorry but that was not going to happen. He said the next three months would shape me for the rest of my life. He told me I had to jump out of my comfort zone. I took a deep breath and looked at the snow peaked mountains in the distance. That was it. My final lifeline was gone. My dad had closed the door to any out I had. I was on the ledge alone. My only option was to jump into the experience. So I did. I finally let go of my fear and was filled with an intense energy of excitement. That night we were making final preparations to leave the next day. We had a long bus drive to our drop off point for the kayaking section. I was having dinner and speaking with a new friend, Luda. We were the last two in the dining hall talking about what was to come over the next three months. So many emotions of joy, excitement, and uncertainty. He said something that still deeply resonates with me ten years later. He said, "when we return to the branch at the end of this journey, we won’t be the same people." We both looked at each other and knew exactly what he meant. We were on the cusp of some sort of inner transformation. Neither of us knew the vast depth of how impactful that transformation would be. So the next day we started our journey. One month kayaking along the archipelago. One month in the mountains. And ultimately our final mini ten day expedition at the end. I didn’t even realize it at the time but that emptiness. The pit. The anxiety and fear. It was completely gone. It was filled with the journey. The natural world. And with our crew. I wish I could translate what transpired over my three month NOLS journey in Patagonia. I wish I could fully articulate the transformation that occurred. Those who have experienced it know exactly what I am talking about. It can’t be put into words. Luda was right. I had changed. We all had. I had ascended to another realm of myself. I had stepped out of Plato’s allegorical cave. During my journey, so many things fell into place. I gained a greater understanding of who I was and what I valued. I realized the importance of deep human connections. I was able to step back and reflect in a whole new light. It provided clarity for where I wanted the journey of my life to go. I knew I wanted to help others and leave a lasting impact on this world. I knew I wanted to become a teacher. I returned home on top of the world. The highest moment of my life up to that point. I felt ready to conquer the world. Two weeks after I arrived home though, my mom passed away suddenly. Within seconds I went from the highest high to the lowest low. I wanted to curl up and die. After some time, my NOLS skills kicked in. Not the hard skills of how to self-arrest or tie a knot. It was the intangible and instinctual set of skills that NOLS brings out. The ability to assess, to process, how to trudge forward safely in a storm, and how to overcome adversity. I can honestly say I do not know if I would have been able to get through my mom's passing had it not been for my NOLS experience. The storm eventually passed. Blue skies and calm waters returned. Soon after, I began my journey into becoming a teacher. The journey that NOLS Patagonia started. Just like any expedition, there have been ups and downs since. I still use those NOLS skills through the peaks and valleys of life. NOLS helped me find myself. It helped me through the challenge of my moms death. It helped me through my challenges with mental health and anxiety. It shaped me into who I am today. NOLS changed my life!